On mothers, memory loss, and films

 

On Mother’s Day I didn’t think about my mother; instead, I was stuck remembering all the women who raised me but who weren’t her.

While watching Laura Schroeder’s debut film, which I had previously never even heard of, I thought of the same women. Not just them; I also remembered the people who I loved and left, returned, only to inevitably run away again. To me, leaving meant loving; disinterest became devotion, and whatever silence was given to me, I knew it would be broken, even with an argument, even with an insult.

I love films about family dynamics. I overanalyse whatever I see on screen and desperately attempt to relate it to personal experience. Whatever family I saw on screen must have meant that I had one on my own.

Barrage completely stripped me of my own sense of understanding of things. I felt like a child again, throwing a tantrum and screaming, “What would my mother even know about me? What would anyone else?”

For me the subject of the returning mother is always hard-hitting; as someone whose mother didn’t leave them physically, there is a rupture emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. When I watched it, I just felt like saying, “She left you! And now she’s come back, but it doesn’t matter!” Yet, it does. Here you have a mother acknowledging the pain she caused, the mistrust she’s responsible for, and the years she missed, and now she’s trying to make up for it by making new mistakes. It’s complicated, and, in its own intricate way, it’s beautiful.

It’s a film strong in feeling, not in visuals. I often prioritise feelings over looks, which probably stems from my love of literature and writing. I try to look beyond these things and reflect on the meaning of things. Therefore, I feel what visually lacks is made up by the strong emotions and character dynamics. I wonder if even stronger screenwriting/dialogues would have pushed my rating up to 4 stars; maybe something to explore for the future!

Barrage (and Maret) has an incredibly strong ending, one to leave you wondering, which I feel ought to be unmissable in a feature film from Luxembourg. It always needs to hit, and here she delivered!

 Now writing about family dynamics in films, I can’t help but think about Céline Schlesser’s film “Ce qu’il reste”, which I saw during the Luxembourgish Film Festival this year!

The short film tackles mother-daughter relationships from multiple generations and a startling but brave discussion about pain and trauma. Although both are incredibly different from each other, I feel like this is another perfect example of how certain directors are able to portray intimacy and are really capable of understanding human nature and relationships. It’s a rare gift that needs to be cherished. You feel that these filmmakers understand that they have a touch for creating worlds and characters whose feelings touch viewers.

 

 Barrage falls to me in a similar category as Céline’s film, or – if we’re now talking about this year’s film festival – Roxanne Peguet and her film “MiaMio”, that of the deep understanding of human emotions and dynamics.

Laura Schroeder’s second release, “Maret”, was also a film that I had the honour of watching!

And this is where I couldn’t figure her out… Visually beautiful and with such great conditions to create a deeply philosophical film with intense screenwriting, yet the dialogues felt emptier this time.

 The subject of memory is deeply interesting to me. As someone who always forgets about everything, I wouldn’t want to start over if I actually lost everything. Do you?

That question exactly should have startled the viewers and lured them in, but the intensity of the dialogue declined, while the visuals triumphed. You have her sitting in bed, watching her hands and feet and the birds singing in the background during the very early morning, and the viewers see all the emotions, but the screenplay doesn’t explore them.

I loved seeing her walk around in her own place with her running shoes, trying to stay moving, alive, and present. The final 20 minutes of the film explored the most beautiful natural scenery, and the ending was again so strong. 

Here, the filmmaker allowed herself to use nature for her own skills and the visuals of the movie, where scene after scene looked different and beautiful. But I’m a dialogue girl at heart, and I love using language and writing to make others feel anything, and here I didn’t.

For me, both films fall under the same rating – that of 3.5 stars – and I feel like they both have what the other lacks. It’s a slippery slope… I can see Schroeder’s talent and love for film, and I hope to see new work in the future where she tackles visuals and storytelling; she has the passion and the devotion. It just needs to develop and grow.

You should definitely see both films for yourself and make up your own mind. Supporting Luxembourgish filmmakers is so important, and investing in the DVD—which features both films—is a great way to do that. You’re not just buying movies; you’re helping stories like these continue to be told. 💅